Melbourne Spoken Word Prize 2019

DECEMBER 2019

Things I swipe left for are…


Melbourne Spoken Word Prize 2019
Presented by Melbourne Spoken Word and Yarra Libraries
Collingwood Town Hall, December 6, 2019

The prize is a celebration of the spoken word scene in Melbourne and Victoria as a whole, the vast array of spoken word and poetry events around our city and the poets that breathe life into our scene.

Twenty-five poets, nominated by event conveners around Melbourne and Victoria, each showcased a poem on the night, and a panel of 7 judges, leaders in our spoken word community awarded prizes.

I presented my poem “Self-Combusting (or, Let the Mother Fucker Burn)”.

I faltered in the middle of my poem but kept it together and made it through. I got a lot of laughs and many people coming up afterwards to thank me and congratulate me. So grateful to have been welcomed into the Melbourne poetry community and for Lisa, Will, Emma, Jason & Kirstyn for coming along and cheering me on. Ending 2019 on a high!!

Self Combusting (Or, Let The Mother-Fucker Burn)
Things I swipe left for are:
Man with a fish
Man with a gun
Man with a car
Man in a car
Just a car
Any photo featuring any vehicle whatsoever
Especially dirt bikes
Man with a dog
Just a dog
Any photo featuring any animal whatsoever
Especially a fish
Did I mention the fish?
Man flexing his muscles in the mirror at a gym
Man named Jim
Man with the same name as my son, my dad or any of my exes
Man who looks like my son, my dad or any of my exes
Man with a beer
Man in a group of men
Man in a group of men with beers
Man in a group of men in suits with or without beers at someone’s wedding
Man with a kid
Especially if they’ve made clear it’s not their kid
Man who likes going on random adventures
Man who is living in, for, or of the moment
Man who went to the school of hard knocks
Man who went to the University of Life
Man looking for a partner in crime
Man with a vacancy applicants apply within

I get burnt out
My finger tired of all the rejection
Is there even a needle in this haystack
Of men whose personalities are all the same
Variations on an aussie bloke theme 
Or do I judge too harshly?

But I get burnt out
wondering how I might get someone to light a match to me
Constantly trying to start fires just to see them fizzle
Or blowing them out with my ghostly smoke
I can’t even be bothered to extinguish the barely-there sizzle

I get burnt out,  desperately seeking
Why should I need this man or any man
Sticks in hand to rub together
Fixing things
We go together… Like Fuck
I can’t stand to have your body, or anybody, in the bed beside me
I like watching my choice on tv without negotiation
I walk around naked and it’s not an invitation
I sing along to the radio station at the top of my lungs
And I mow my own lawn, Jim

Put that on my profile, swipe right on myself
I’m the love of my own life.
I’m amazing. I tick my own boxes!
Self-combusting
All this self-lusting is so hot right now
And we don’t need no water

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