Everything changes

Recently, I talked to an 84 year old lady who has written over twenty plays. I was interviewing her for an article I’m writing for the Central Highlands Arts Atlas. I asked her what her highlight was – and I meant in her theatre-making career – but she told me that meeting her husband, at age 17, at a dance at the Heidelberg Town Hall was the highlight of her life.

We spent most of the time chatting about her late husband, whom she was married to for 62 years.

It made me wonder what I’d done wrong to only last 11 years in my most significant relationship, and only a measly 6 months in my most recent.

Or what, in fact, had I done right. Continue reading

Flashback Friday – Musings on Identity

I wrote this as a Facebook post almost a year and a half ago. I saved it recently when Facebook memories brought it back to my attention.

It was doing the Leadership Ballarat Leaders Forum that enabled me to identify the need to re-vamp my thinking, but also gave me the courage the start that journey. I’m still working on that, as my most recent blog describes. Continue reading

On Worth

I’ve been good at gathering evidence of my worthlessness throughout my life. At my first appointment with my new psychologist, she took one look at my answers to the test and asked me why I felt like I was so shit. And I thought, “Isn’t it obvious?”.

These thought patterns have recently manifested in some major anxiety and several panic attacks. So I’m spending a lot of energy at the moment analyzing why my brain focuses on the negative experiences and figuring out how to retrain it to notice and celebrate my worth.

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On Conflict

Have you ever had that weird effect when you’re lying in bed and you can feel yourself floating up in a sort of out-of-body experience, but simultaneously you can feel yourself sinking down into the earth? And you’re not sure if you’re as big as the sky or you’re just a tiny particle of sand. You’re both. Well, that’s how I feel when I think about conflict.

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The Sum of Them – a thank you note to my parents on closing night.

I am currently sitting at my desk, drafting thank you notes to the cast of The Sum of Us – the fab four – in preparation for tonight. Being closing night, I have the equally awesome and awkward task of accepting thanks and accolades for a production well done and showering the cast and crew with the praise they deserve.

But the two people that enable this entire production to happen, and dedicated hours towards this show – the two people I most want to thank – never even stepped foot inside the theatre.

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The Long Game

I keep looking at job ads. I’m tempted for many reasons. I could do with the money. I want to advance my career. I get itchy feet if I’m doing the same thing for too long. But the truth is, I’m tempted because there’s a part of me that feels like the things I do for a living – parenting and theatre-making – are not legitimate pursuits. But then I remind myself that that’s bullshit and I already have a job. In fact, I have three.

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